


broken record; volume one

by AutumnTriesToLife



Category: Poetry - Fandom
Genre: #also i love women, #anxiety, #depression, #lesbian, #may be mentions of suicidal thoughts or actions, #poetry - Freeform, #recovery, #trigger warning, #wlw, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2020-04-23 14:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19153090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AutumnTriesToLife/pseuds/AutumnTriesToLife
Summary: i think too much. insanity ensues.





	1. to stay alive is a choice

Whats my problem?  
i don't know what i'm doing  
with my life  
and my emotions are brewing  
i'm fighting an impossible force  
an impostor  
who possibly will change the course  
of my senseless repent  
for the events that cause my remorse  
don't tell me it's fine  
i walk a line on which my mind  
will divorce from my kind  
i write in verse about this curse  
my brain tells me they think i am wrong  
so in my mind i rehearse  
every detail they're permitted to see  
a prisoner in my very own mind  
and only she sets me free  
a mind whose gears are in motion  
and i can't seem to breathe  
this hopeless devotion  
to the sanity i have lost  
and the me for which i grieve  
for on the day that i felt  
that empty pull toward pain  
i realized that among my own thoughts  
the struggle for control was in vain  
she took all that remained  
and pulling on the reins  
she told me that a note on paper  
is a bigger mercy than staying  
worsening the existences i taper  
is a bigger mercy than struggling  
to take control of the eyes  
that my skull firmly rejects  
and nobody seems to hear those cries  
for the girl with touch that can heal  
only when she breaks through my guise  
i hate to say that i feel  
dare i say i see no appeal  
to play childish games so i cope  
there is no glimmer of hope  
at the end of this rope which i tie  
while i press the lie  
'i am fine'  
and the fog of the night  
the chilling silence  
of a road with no life in sight  
i tell the sky;  
i must die.

 

[in return, she tells me i must try.]


	2. gray

I long for lazy weeks  
where i sink into the sheets  
and we walk barefoot down banks  
throwing stones into cool creeks  
wandering under wide open skies  
as your smile crinkles your eyes

on the day that your heart dies  
i hope the sky opens and cries  
for the night that your light goes away  
many hearts will run astray  
and my heart will know the colour gray  
if i live another day.


	3. Wander

I sometimes believe

that our souls were meant to wander

and that a soulmate was simply just

a possibility we did not ponder

but on the first day I got lost with you

I realized I wasn't alone

and as I watched the sun go down with you

I found that I was home.


	4. sun

I long for a closeness to you

that I never thought I'd miss

I want to make a promise to you

and seal it with a kiss

long nights and waking up to you

would feel something akin to bliss

you are my sun in every season

you are my happiness.


	5. was she?

She's laying there

phone in one palm

it continues to buzz

in the eerie calm 

tears stain her cheeks

but her chest doesn't move

she's been here for weeks

she's got nothing to prove

her mind fills with stress

and she can't move ahead

her room is a mess

and so is her bed

her thoughts are amok

and her arms are stained red

and she begins to wonder

 

was she better off dead?


	6. on the day i fell for you

The day I fell in love with you

was the day that my heart died

I saw the way your colours showed true

and in that moment I cried

for I swore I'd never fall again

but alas, my brain had lied

I would say to your face that I love you

but I cannot lay down my pride

the way you looked at the world enchanted me

with your eyes so bright and wide

though I met you only a short time ago

the red string of fate was tied

I fell hopelessly, rationality aside

though I swear I fought it, I tried

and despite these feelings I truly denied

the day I fell in love with you

I cried.


	7. girls,

Girls come built

in many shapes and sizes

some are cherry blossom girls

with bright and young eyes

some are lonely night-time girls

who dream of flying to the skies

some give soft butterfly kisses

and bear soft and wispy voices

that make you want them as your missus

some girls dream of being someone

so they may have all of their wishes

and some just hope to god

that they'll be someone the world misses.


	8. our true meeting

On the day we truly met

I felt something in me change

and at the time my only thought

was that it felt quite strange

and I don't think that I realized

you were then missing piece

of a puzzle that came together

when I wanted to stay the least.


	9. your arms

Sometimes I feel

there's nothing left to me but skin and bones

but your arms heal

and safe in them I know I'm home

what we have is real

and though our hearts will always roam

you hold the key to the lock

of my minds darkest catacombs.


	10. lowlight

I always hated

that in the lowlight you could see

all of the millions of walls

that I put up inside of me

but when I was with you

I felt safe to simply be

my authentic human self

to whom only you held the key.


End file.
